This week's devotionals really made me think back about my journey of rediscovering Christ over these last two years. The Devotional for April 21st really hit my soul with the following words "To step through Calvary with Jesus is to enter into a transcendent, unique freedom. Your core has not been reshaped or trained or inspired to better living through Calvary, but instead, your core has been annihilated."
Have you ever looked up the word annihilated in the dictionary? If not, well it is a powerful word that is described with synonyms such as, "destroy utterly" and "obliterate". To those who have not been broken down, only to be rebuilt with the love of Christ, this may seem like a frightening process. We live in a world where people break our hearts, financial burdens obliterate relationships, and lies can utterly destroy trust. So why in the world would anyone want their core to be annihilated by God? It is a crazy concept if you think about it.
When I entered my relationship with Jesus for the second time I was broken and completely hopeless. I kept praying for God to "fix me". I remember screaming out "Jesus please please fix my broken heart!" It wasn't until I came upon Isaiah 64:8 in my bible study group did I understand being broken down by Christ: "Yet You, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand." What if fixing, editing, and repairing isn't at all what God has in mind for us when we feel broken. What if God wants to make you brand new? It's an exciting process if you think of the end goal. If you let yourself surrender, be returned to dust, God can make something really cool out of you. Instead of being afraid of the pain that comes with being returned to dust, I choose to pursue this brokenness in hopes I become something new and better than before. Maybe one day I'll become a cool vase or something on his potter's wheel.
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